you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
