did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
