drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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