Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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