Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
