Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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