so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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