Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
