We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
