yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
