My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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