quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
