Can Purell be used as lube?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
