What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
