So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
