I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
