Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
