Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
being pregnant is like rehab
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
