Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
