How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The feeling are messing with the penis
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
