I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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