if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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