You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
