wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
