AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
