you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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