Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
