and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
