Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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