It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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