Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
