How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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