just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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