Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
