I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i've created a new STD.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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