Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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