Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
