Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
