he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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