Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
