Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
