You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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