Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize