I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
