Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
