Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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