so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
