I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
