remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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