Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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